Proven strategies for unifying your family in health/fitness [23 Experts Share Their Secrets]

Want to learn the secrets of unifying your family on the path to health/fitness and ultimate happiness?

Great!  Because I’m speaking in an exciting interview series brought to you by Dr. Paul and his wife Bethany.  We’ll be joined by 22 other leading experts who will be sharing their latest, cutting-edge tips & strategies to unify your family on the path to health & fitness for FOCUS ON FITNESS TOGETHER SUMMIT

Here’s what you will be discovering:

  • Tips for making food fun for the whole family and strategies to deal with picky eaters
  • Super successful couples do what other couples refuse to
  • Tips to make your home a health/wellness sanctuary
  • Self-reflection is number one step in change for self and family
  • How well-meaning partners or friends interfere with fitness goals and tips to deal with this situation.
  • And much, much more!

This event is going to happen once.  That means if you miss out on registering now, you miss out on it forever.  

But here’s the best part:

It’s 100% free.

So, that means, all you have to do is claim your spot by registering below:

http://www.focusonfitnesstogether.com/JHelms  

Be sure to sign up because during my interview, I’ll be sharing with you some great advice on uniting your family in health/fitness and ultimate happiness!

Look forward to seeing you in the summit!

Enemies Are Welcome Here.

As I was creating my working model this afternoon, I came across some words of wisdom that were put so well:

As Longfellow said, “If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each man’s life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility.” This applies not just to outer enemies but inner ones too. All parts are welcome.

-Richard Schwartz

This message rings true for me and for those I’ve worked with. Sometimes I feel “ick” or angered by certain people, and sometimes I feel those sensations towards parts of my self, or my history. But in the end, all parts and persons have a story, and if we could disarm hostility, we can begin to love and accept even the “ick” people and parts of ourselves.

But what of changing those awful, icky parts?

Through my studies, I’ve learned that we are all inevitably drawn to higher qualities of living and being when we feel safe, when we feel non-judged, and when we feel accepted as we are. Loving are enemies is not a natural human instinct, but cultivating this practice is what transforms others and ourselves.

4 Common Mistakes Even Good Therapists & Coaches Make

Therapists and coaches are human (*Gasp, I know*). We will make mistakes on a daily basis, and I for one will be the first to admit that I make them all the time.

However, there’s A LOT we can gain from learning from them and being aware of the big ones that we can at times continue for a long time when we don’t realize that we are making them. Here’s a list of some of the common mistakes that I’ve made, along with my peers and what to look out for when seeking a good therapist or coach.

  1. Thinking too much about how to respond vs. just listening. — When we are in our heads, we are terrible listeners. It’s just the way humans are created. When I first began therapy and coaching, I would often get so caught up in what “amazing insight” I wanted to point out to my client, that I would really miss the big picture, and not truly be present with them. I would wait for a pause, and sometimes *cringe* I would be so impatient to respond that I would cut them off. My “amazing insight” is NEVER better than really LISTENING to the client and giving them space to process. Plus, most of the time, my amazing insight is NOT what the client needs, especially when you give them the impression your just “advicing” on them. Much of the therapy magic is done through creating space for people to come to their own insights, expand their ways of thinking, and grow. My “insight” never trumps that.
  2. Pretending to be an emotion-less robot.  — I used to think that when you were doing therapy, it was a time to cut off your attention from yourself, and fully absorb the other person. While being present IS super important, it’s not very relationship building when we aren’t aware of what’s going on with our own bodies (emotionally or physically). In fact, naming our own discomfort or feelings during the session can, when done well, be very healing. I now let my client’s know when I’m feeling a bit off because of sickness, or if I just heard really bad news, or if I’m feeling like my heart is racing as a couple yells back and forth. I pause, try to differentiate, and tell them “I’m noticing that in myself I’m feeling my heart race and I’m having a hard time keeping up, can you slow things down for me a bit?” 9.9 times/10 this is more helpful for clients then pretending like I’m a robot as they engage in war or tell me about past trauma. By modeling our own emotion regulation, this helps clients learn to name their feelings and stay in the moment too. Helping our client’s build that skill is one of the most healing things we can do.
  3. Caring TOO much about your client’s success. — Yes, I said it. When we are overly invested in our client’s making positive changes, it is important for us to stand back and ask ourselves, “Why am I really THIS invested?.. Is it about my client’s long-term wellbeing, or is it about my need for them to be successful so my ego doesn’t take a hit?” When we are pushing for our client’s success, and stressing ourselves out in the process –that’s often called “working for the client”, and that is not a good thing. When we “work for the client” we are often doing their work for them and they never actually LEARN to do the work for themselves (Like getting frustrated with a kid and tying their shoes for them). Additionally, when we care too much about client outcomes, we often end up feeling stressed out and being unable to be the presence our client’s truly need us to be.
  4. Making assumptions about culture or what people know. — I used to think that most people had what was called “theory of mind”, or the ability to think about one’s mind and thoughts from an observational view. Boy, was I wrong. Most people struggle to name more than 2 emotions (and that’s totally okay!)… and weren’t odd, psychology reading nerds like myself. I have also learned that I can never assume I understand what a person will believe or what their cultural outlook is. I remember being confused and surprised when a transgendered client was embracing of so many different genders and sexualities, but still felt discomfort around gay men. Again, I am learning to open up my mind and experiences to being embracing of all viewpoints and understanding my client’s wherever they are coming from. And with my experiences, reaffirming that “every thing makes sense in context”.

On Infidelity and Staying Together.

Infidelity in relationships is often misunderstood. By the victim, by outsiders, by society as a whole. And understanding this has been pivotal in my work with couples.

Infidelity is NOT about a partner’s lack of sexual appeal, relationship boredom, or because the perpetrator is a terrible, awful, no-good person.

Here’s the more likely causes:

  • The affair serves as a thing that a person turns to (like alcohol or video games) when the emotional tension and anxiety between partners becomes overwhelming.
  • It can also be something that is sparked by recent loss or changes (death of a loved one, big moves, loss of career) when big life questions are sparked, “Is this it? Am I enough? Will I ever feel that thing again?”
  • It can also be a desire for attention, to feel special, or to feel important. As Esther Perel expertly puts it, “Affairs are less about sex, and a lot more about desire”.

So, the other thing people aren’t talking about: How common are affairs and what do most couples do? Depending on the definition of cheating (from viewing pornographic material to having sex with another person) the percentages range from 25-75%, and most couples do in fact stay — even though, in society most people respond that they would tell people to leave a person, and most people experience a feeling of shame for staying.

However, staying can be a great thing. Infidelity in a relationship can become an opportunity for growth and for the relationship to reach a new level of honesty and openness that wasn’t there before. It can actually strengthen and better a relationship. Although it isn’t recommended, similar to how I wouldn’t recommend a terminal illness or alcoholism, these experiences when they do occur can be a thing that cripples a couple or becomes a generative experience.

Some specific things couple’s can do to heal from an affair:

  • If you are the perpetrator, acknowledge your wrong doing and end it. It is crucial that you express guilt or remorse for your actions and the hurt it has caused your partner. You could also become the person to bring up these conversations and be the protector of boundaries to build safety and decrease paranoia in your partner.
  • As the victim, do things that you really enjoy and that bring back a sense of identity, security, and joy into your life. Also, try not to ask about the tiny details of the affair because that will only cause re-traumatization and pain.
  • Together, uncover the meaning, motives, and other relationship anxieties that have been kept under the rug. Ensure space for trust to be rebuilt and for the perpetrator to work on the parts of self they are longing for or struggling against.
  • Seek therapy and additional help. Going through an affair can be incredibly painful, self-defeating, and hard to do alone. Seeking help to work on both personal and interpersonal relationship issues can ensure that you are addressing the roots to the affair and the roles both partner’s may have played in their relationship dynamic. It can also help the perpetrator identify the anxieties they are struggling with within themselves and their relationship that fuel them to seek outside resources (i.e. relationships) to alleviate their anxieties.

At the end of the day, neglect, indifference, violence, and a partner’s withdrawal to alcohol or something as harmless as video games can be other forms of betrayal in a relationship. Good can come out of addressing affairs and it’s totally worth it and okay to stay. As a hopeful, shameless therapist, I hope that any such hard experiences in your life (affairs, illnesses, or the like) can be sources of growth and intimacy for you and your loved ones.

 

 

I’m not here to fix you.

As a therapist-in-the-making, I am here to embrace you. The good, bad, messy, silly — all the parts. So many clients come to therapy saying “Fix me!” or “Just help me erase or get rid of these painful memories!”or “Make me better!”, especially when they’ve been struggling with pain from trauma, grief, a break-up, or feeling rejected.

But here’s the thing – my clients are incredibly amazing people and I can’t erase their traumas even if I wanted to. Even more so, I whole-heartedly believe that there is so much growth we can derive from digging deep, feeling the pain, and allowing ourselves to be imperfect as we heal from our past hurts. Trauma will happen. Life will happen. Pain will happen. This isn’t a way of minimizing trauma or it’s effects but to show people that it’s okay to be sad, angry, anxious, depressed and otherwise out-of-sorts when we’ve experienced a lot of trauma and the addition of pressure to not feel pain, to simply get over things, or to “feel normal” only hurts us more.

When a person gets stuck in trying to “fix” themselves — they often go to the shame cave. The shame cave usually is accompanied by or proceeds feelings of not being good enough, not mattering, not getting it right, or of something being “dysfunctional” about ourselves compared to other people. Often our attempts to “fix the problem” becomes the problem. The shame cave often results in numbing behaviors such as addictions, becoming overly involved in another person’s life or a relationship, and in depression.

So what do I  do when my clients are hiding out in the shame cave?

I try to get them back in touch with their true selves. That is, the parts of them that are hidden beneath their feelings of inadequacy. The parts of themselves that are fueled by love and not fear. It can often take some time to get to know these parts of ourselves, especially if we’ve been running a script that has been fueled by fear for years (which is fairly common for people with traumatic histories). This fear-driven part of ourselves is usually created to protect ourselves from future traumas, but now, playing out in non-trauma life moments, can really hinder us from being ourselves and reaching our potential. When fear is driving the bus, we can start to feel on-edge in every day life, and not even sure of what safety is or means. We may try to control things in an effort to feel a false sense of safety and power. And if we don’t know what to do with those feelings of being “on-edge” whether it exhibits itself as anger, anxiety, or depression — well, then we are really in trouble.

So no, I’m not here to FIX you. I’m here to find you. That true self that isn’t afraid, the parts of you that come out when you feel truly safe and valued. It may take some time to get there for many reasons, but boy, is it worth the journey. You are worth it.

WEIGHTing on Wichita

“… she’s got depression, oh and yeah, she’s a puker.” The charge nurse stated matter-of-factly.

“…Are we going to do anything about that?” I inquired with curiosity.

“No, I mean, she’s just acting out… typical teen stuff.”

(A conversation I had almost a year ago)

But I knew it wasn’t. Despite what some of the media and less informed people may say, it’s not OKAY for a teenage girl to make herself purge every day. Along with many other myths people believe about the Eating Disorder (ED) population the hardest piece of it all is that…

We could save lives in Wichita if we increased our ED awareness & prevention methods. 

But that’s not even the most heartbreaking part about it… What’s worse is that after asking around for treatment resources and supervision resources for myself (as I work to offer these resources as an MFT grad student at Friends) I came up empty handed except for one very busy practitioner who has been declining clients.

Hospital-wise, the Via Christi behavioral hospital also doesn’t treat ED’s (hence, the dialogue above), and the closest hospitals that specialize in ED’s are located in Colorado and Texas.

So WHY does all of this matter to local Wichitans like you?

Well, you likely know somebody who is struggling on one end of the eating disorder spectrum or the other (or may not know but have suspicions)– we all know at least one friend who spends WAY too much time talking about food, their body, and wasting precious energy on either eating too much food, too little, or spending hours on a treadmill to “purge” their last meal.

In fact, some harrowing stats show that 4 out of 10 individuals have either personally experienced an eating disorder, or know someone who has.

~10% of the American population struggles with an Eating Disorder, that’s  38,841 Wichitans!

Because of the nature of eating disorders, many who suffer HIDE it, deny it, and increasingly isolate themselves while trying to normalize unhealthy behaviors. It’s sad. It sucks. It’s easier to do with things like food (since we all have unhealthy eating habits from time to time). But the ease of hiding makes this disorder all the more insidious.

If by some miracle you haven’t been touched personally by someone struggling from an ED then maybe you’re more passionate about the wellbeing of Wichita’s youth.

Well, national stats show that 50% of teenage girls and 30% of teenage boys use unhealthy weight control behaviors such as skipping meals, fasting, smoking cigarettes, vomiting, and taking laxatives to control their weight.

And if you’re thinking that’s just a phase, we just need to let it pass and kids and adults struggling will GROW out of it. Unfortunately, that isn’t the case for most. And what’s worse is that Eating Disorders have the HIGHEST mortality of any mental illness, and although recovery is FULLY possible and achievable. Many struggle with the weight of their eating disorders (in many ways) for the rest of their lives.

So after many conversations over many months with different practitioners, I began to see that it is time that we care take action here. It’s time to increase awareness, to increase treatment options, and funding to build healthier kids, healthier women, a healthier ED free Wichita. 

Although there are so many wonderful mental health resources in Wichita, I know that we can do better. This is weighing on Wichita, whether in pounds or in tears, disappearing people, and unrealized potential. 

❤ Jenny Helms

********************

If you are interested in finding more local resources, or learning more about Eating Disorders and ways to increase prevention, please reach out to me at jennyahelms@gmail.com or PM me on FB: http://www.facebook.com/coachjennyhelms

As an Eating Disorder advocate, I have given presentations educating people about what eating disorders are, body image, and prevention methods.

Additionally, I am beginning my student therapy track under the superior supervision of multiple Marriage & Family Therapy Clinicians, I will have open doors to all Eating Disorder clients at Friend’s CFL (just make sure to ask for Jenny). The rates are typically around $10-20 (which goes towards keeping the facility lights on). I specialize in working with not only the person struggling with an eating disorder, but also all the systems involved including family and the different factors that add context to what you or a loved one may be going through. I have a huge heart and passion for helping people across the eating disorder spectrum from anorexia to BED.

View more statistics here.

 

 

6 Ways to Uncover Your BIG WHY

When tackling a big change… it is CRUCIAL that you find your BIG WHY and help it align with who you are.

For most of us, even positive change can be very uncomfortable and many people stay stuck in painful patterns because they haven’t found a way to tie the changes they WANT to make to their values and who they are fundamentally.

When you align your goals with who you are, that’s when the real changes can be made and this drives us to keep going when the going gets tough (as it usually does).

That’s where your BIG WHY comes in.

Digging deep, and discovering what it is about who YOU are that aligns with the person and goal you are setting out to acheive.

But … hold the phone…telling people to find their big why is just the beginning. Most of my clients look at me with glazed over looks as if I just asked them to solve a complex calculus equation….

“How in the world do I do that?”

Well, after researching, pondering, and reviewing what I’ve done with clients in the past, I’ve come up with 6 ways to uncover the notorious “BIG WHY”…

  1. Tap into your intrinsic motivation.

Social psychologists describe this as your internal source that guides you. Juxtaposing the “extrinsic sources” such as peer pressure, gifts & rewards, etc. It’s the thing that motivates us when no one is watching… what drives YOU to do it despite what others may think? It’s about finding joy in the task (or “joy in the journey”) itself. The activity that gets you to your goals is it’s own reward. (I.e. reframing exercise as coveted “me time”). When you find your intrinsic motivation you’ll begin to feel more energy and drive around the actions of your goals.

Side note: I sometimes use measures like the Enneagram to help people learn more about themselves when they feel stuck or are unsure. Learn more here.

2. Create a mission or vision board.

Put this into action. Grab some markers and paper and create a personal mission statement that is intrinsically fueled. This mission must stand on it’s own and not be another “means to an end”.  Additionally, your mission should be attainable and reasonable for your current competencies & ability to commit. Set small, explicit, and attainable goals.

Click below to get a FREE pdf to help guide you in finding your BIG WHY.

3. Cultivate Your Passion.

The word passion holds a lot of energy. Passion is what fuels people to do things they never thought they could do and keeps us focused.

To tap into your passion ask yourself — 1. What do you really want deep, deep down? 2. What did you want and enjoy doing as a child? 3. Brainstorm and list all the things you are PASSIONATE about, even ideas and beliefs (i.e. equal rights), and 4. What are you afraid of doing that you want to do and what comes naturally for you?

Writing all of these items down will help you understand your passions, desires, and what is fundamentally YOU.

4. Personal Resonance.

Personal resonance, as described by author Peter Hutton, is about the power of “identification and belonging” — very big motivators especially for the givers out there. When you are fully and unapologetically YOURSELF, like minded people are drawn to you. This part of your BIG WHY is crucial and takes #3 a step further by getting clear on your values, beliefs, causes, and believed purpose in life.

5. Find your Opposing Views.

Although finding who you are is very important, it is also important to draw distinctions on what or who you are not. It helps you finalize who you want to be and makes it clear to others. It helps you build healthy boundaries, when peer pressure sets in to get margaritas and tacos on Tuesday and then Wednesday, and Friday when you know that will sabotage your goals. It’ll help you be strong in your sense of self, your sense of saying the oh-so important word, “No.”, and increase your resistance to FOMO (or fear of missing out).

6. Last, and certainly not least — APPLICATION.

Apply these beliefs, values, and your vision to your goal. For instance, I had a goal of getting better at CrossFit and really had to dig deep to find out why that mattered and aligned with me, Jenny.

What I discovered was: I believe in empowerment, female equality, self betterment, challenge, “me time”, self care, trying new and novel things… and that’s just the beginning of the things that also correlated to getting better at CrossFit (i.e. the large female presence and equal treatment in the sport, the importance on recovery and self care, always trying new movements and challenges… etc.)

Tie your internal motivators and who YOU are to your goals. I assure you they have time and time again held MUCH more weight than “I want to look a certain way” or “I want to get to a certain number.”

At the end of the day, your goals become who you are. And the first step is to match those concepts in your brain so you can put it to action and have your own built-in back up when the going gets tough!

Click on the ad below to get a FREE PDF to fill in and take your first step in discovering your BIG WHY:

 

Cheers and best of luck!

Jenny

 

And, in case you missed the one above, I created a FREE pdf work sheet especially for you to help guide you in this process. Click the banner below for instant access. Simply print & discover!

 

10 Foods To Eliminate From Your Life

Although I am an avid advocate of moderation and listening to your body, there is SO much wisdom in getting rid of foods that are toxic to your body, your brain health, and your ability to take advantage of your body’s natural wisdom. And when your busy, like most of us are, it can be even HARDER to pick out the good foods in your environment instead of reaching for a snickers.


So here it is, my official list of get these foods out of your diet as much as possible. Is it because it is the WORST thing in the world to eat? No. But, like cigarettes, these dare I even call them “foods” are toxic. And there’s so many natural substitutes to get your sweet, salty, baked goods, or savory cravings satisfied. That being said, try to eliminate these foods a.m.a.p. or slowly decrease your percentages. For example, if these foods make up 70% of your diet, try to shoot for 65% the next few weeks, and so on.

This isn’t about shaming or being 100% perfect, I have these foods on occasion. The key is to transition these foods from being “staples” in your diet, to “every now & thens”. 

Now, for the 10 “foods” you should try to eliminate as much as possible… here they are!

  1. Sugar and honey (read your labels — I even miss this one from time to time if I don’t check… it’s in peanut butters, almond milk, and other “health foods”.
  2. Canola and Vegetable Oil — this includes the ones they sneak into chips, treats, salad dressings, and sauces.
  3. Soda — I’ll share my own journey with this in the future for guidance & suggestions!
  4. Juice (except freshly squeezed) — heck, why not eat an actual fruit?
  5. Cereals & Oatmeal packets
  6. Energy/protein bars or drinks
  7. Fried foods that you didn’t make in your own kitchen.
  8. Protein Supplements (Although there are some great options, and I’m still figuring this one out for myself, a large portion of synthetic proteins have toxic chemicals added in — so it’s one to be cautious about.)
  9. Low-fat products, including dairy, baked goods, milk (this one is so tough for me so I get the 2% and have slowly been moving to whole). We’ve got to get rid of the myth that natural fat makes people fat.
  10. White bakery products — including gluten free goodies. (Admittedly, I’ll eat these from time to time).

 

I’d love to hear your feedback — if you have q’s about this list or would like to add to it, please comment or reach out and I’d be happy to continue this dialogue.

Eat your heart full ❤ Jenny

 

How to Save a Life: ED Prevention

With rising rates of disordered eating, it is impossible to have enough treatment providers for all of those who suffer. And unfortunately, many suffer with little to no resources.

I became intimately aware of this when moving to Wichita and seeing that there are less than a handful of providers in the area, and of that, even less that were currently taking on clients.

For some in our area, that is a death sentence.

In fact, Anorexia and ED’s are the #1 lethal mental illness, outweighing schizophrenia and depression and topping the charts of lethality at 20%.

Although getting more treatment providers is a necessity in our community, it is also important that we implement PREVENTION measures. And that, we can all do.

Contextually we have a choice to contribute to, ignore, or prevent the problem, and little by little we can change the culture around healthy eating.

HOW?

A few ways…

1. Know the risk-factors.

Kids going through puberty, athletes in body-aware sports (i.e. bodybuilders, ballerinas, gymnasts, runners, swimmers) persons who are overweight, those with a family history, depression, anxiety, perfectionism, and negative body image are all risk factors for the development of an ED. Keep an eye out for early warning signs — the earlier it’s caught, the better treatment outcomes are.

2. Promote healthy communication and expression of emotions (especially anger, sadness, and shame). This goes for many mental illnesses but is extra helpful in easing the triggers and built up stressors that can lead to an eating disorder.

3. Make it a point to focus on things outside of people’s bodies and to lessen the hype of having a “perfect bod” or the “perfect diet”.

4. Stop talking about diets altogether. Seriously.

5. Be an example about how to positively talk about your body (i.e. “I feel so strong today”, “I’m grateful for my strong legs that help me walk to work”).

6. Make having a healthy mindset and authenticity an ideal, not photo-shopped super models.

7. Compliment others on who they are more than how they look.

8. Understand that everyone deserves to feel good in their bodies and have access to a healthy, active lifestyle.

9. Re-frame exercise as a human privilege, and not a punishment for eating foods.

Another strategy to shift this is through an exercise, introduced by Dr. Levine:

1. Imagine a person who possesses characteristics & accomplishments that you admire deeply…

2. Now, recall what that person looks like. Many people think of people such as Maya Angelou, Abe Lincoln, or Thich Nhat Hahn.

3. Lastly, think about that person’s appearance, or their body type. Did that play a role in their accomplishments? Is their image hanging in your office or home? (If not, wouldn’t that be a great reminder?)

Although there are many complex challenges that create ED’s (genetics, trauma, etc.) and some will be out of our control, there’s a lot we can change by our culture.
Let us work together to challenge distorted belief systems and highlight healthy, full living in our own lives and others.

Your impact matters. You make a difference in moving our community toward a culture of health. Be a role model in your community, and you may just save a life.

5 Reasons You Won’t Lose Weight In 2016

As 2016 approaches and the holiday feasting is over, many people make commitments to lose weight, exercise more, and get healthier. Old cliche, right?

Then something happens.

New job, stress, a hamburger, martini, a personal crisis, the list goes on…

By February, ~90% of people lose sight of their goals and forget they made commitments to their health in the first place.

but… WHY?!


In this blog, I will outline why most people fail to keep their resolutions and what steps they can take to empower themselves and make positive changes — for good!

  1. Willpower is a limited resource.

When we set goals and commit to changes that are very different to what we do in our every day lives, we are relying on a very limited resource: willpower. Willpower takes A LOT of energy, and when combined with decreasing our energy intake & exercising, becomes an almost impossible feat. We are working AGAINST our bodies, our brains, and our emotional wellbeing.

It makes sense that we can only commit to such changes and energy drain for a few weeks at a time. And after we give it our all? We are left exhausted, craving energy, and feeling defeated. A viscious cycle that some know all too well as “yo-yo dieting”.

 

  1. Following diet or exercise programming that isn’t tailored to YOU.

Most people hear about diets that worked for other people and immediately jump on board.

“If it works for them, it works for me… right?…”

Wrong.

We are all so different. We have different life circumstances. Different stressors. Different physiologies. Different emotional roadblocks. Different personalities.

These are all extremely important to address when making changes to the way we relate to food. Following someone elses blueprint for dieting & exercise is like following someone’s career path and expecting it to work for you… Even though they are an accountant and you are an artistic extrovert that is bad at numbers.

  1. Making lofty goals without planning all of the small steps.

Have you really planned out every step you need to take or are you just winging it? Even if you do take the time to create a detailed plan, do you know yourself well enough to plan for emotional roadblocks, crisis, and what is best for your physiology?

What about planning for the LONG HAUL and not just those 20-30 pounds?

Are you giving yourself enough time to change?

Are you considering how difficult it can be to make changes and how that may impact other areas of your life?

These are a few of the q’s that most people don’t ask themselves.

When people set to make goals without becoming very specific about the steps in between and how the integrate with who we are, it is setting people up for guesswork, frustration, and again, relying on willpower and potentially harmful information.

  1. We are experts at lying to ourselves.

In social psychology, we know that simply signing up for a program or writing down a goal makes us feel a little jolt of “good job, I’m taking a step”… but really, we take these steps as a way to make us feel better without putting in the real work.

Most of us lie to ourselves, whether it’s about weight, spending, what we want in life, how great our partner is, how great we are at something… the list goes on. It’s engrained in us as a way to protect our selves (our egos) but really, it’s a HUGE roadblock in getting honest with ourselves and holding ourselves accountable. Most people struggle to do this on their own.

It takes a lot of courage and honesty to be where you are, and accept that this whole health change is going to take time, some inward looking, and hard work. And that you CAN do it.

The biggest lie we tell ourselves is that, “we can’t” or “don’t have time”.

  1. Different personalities stay motivated for different reasons.

There’s a great quiz a friend of mine recommended to me by Gretchen Rubin that every person setting a goal would benefit from taking: https://gretchenrubin.com/happiness_project/2014/03/quiz-are-you-an-upholder-a-questioner-a-rebel-or-an-obliger/

We all have different things that motivate us. For the rebel, it could be as simple as changing our language, rather than, “I can’t have that donut”… think, “I don’t want to have that donut”. For an obliger, they may need others to hold them accountable so that they won’t let them down. A questioner may need scientific proof that an approach will work, and an upholder may need rules, habits, and structure.

Knowing our personalities and ultimately ourselves, is key to creating successful changes and staying motivated along the way.

 

Now that we know all the reasons we DON’T keep our health new years resolutions, what can we do to change it?

Seek help and support in the right places. Find a health coach, therapist, dietitian, or supportive group that will keep you accountable. Dig deep to find your “bigger whys”, and safely face the obstacles that got you to where you are in the first place.

In working with me, I help people make small, lasting changes that make sense with their lifestyles, personalities, and who they are. I help people think through how and why they are where they are and help them unravel the obstacles that hold them back from living a healthy life. No extreme diets, no one-size-fits-all, just REAL sustainable results that transform people’s relationship with food.

If you or a loved one is seeking to make long-term changes, it is time for you to do something different this year and invest in yourself. I work on a sliding scale to make my services affordable for people of all backgrounds.

My one requirement? You must be ready to do something different, be honest, and commit to the patience and work that will create lasting changes.

Call Real Life Counseling today to set up a free initial consult at (316) 425 – 7774 and visit http://www.rlcwichita.com/

 

You can also e-mail me at jennyahelms@gmail.com and I’ll get back to you within 24 hours.

 

Wishing you growth & health in 2016,

 

Jenny Helms